Struggle Part Duex

I have learned over my years of life and the many faces I've came across that I'm not alone in some of the experiences that I have had. One in particular that seems to stand out is rape and molestation. Yes its a VERY touchy subject that a lot of people refuse to share due feeling overly exposed. I feel that it should be shared and discuss. 80% of rapes are done by someone that the person who has been violated knows. 30% of those rapes are NEVER reported out of fear that the person who violated them will harm them again. 25% of those non reported occurrences are done by a relative.

When I was 3, I was placed into foster care for a brief moment... At the age of 3 I experienced my first molestation/rape by my foster parents. I remember I had to sleep in their room and couldn't leave. I was 1 of several kids that they had but I always slept in their room. When my mom got me back she took me to the doctor because I refused to let her wipe me or even touch me. She said every time she got close I'd push her away. She didn't find out until later that I had been molested and back then the birth mother couldn't find out who had a child because of any possible future incidents. So she wasn't able to press charges of any sorts and I had to just live with what happened to me. The doctors thought it would become a "suppressed memory" and I wouldn't remember when I got older.... But as you can see they were wrong.

That was the first of many incidents in which I was violated. Some came from relatives others was by family friends. This happens to so many women every day. I remember last year when For Colored Girls came out it was the talk of everyone I know. The of rape, molestations, and acts against women. It upset me a little because why did it have to take a black man to show what really happens to a woman? My belief is women are scared to fully let their voices be heard.  Heck people in general are scared to let their voices be heard and the real them to show. Our society is messed up now because everyone continues to have their heads in the sand. The youth today has endured the same struggles but are lashing out in a different way. I did what I had to make me feel better and for me was to focus on studies and get good grades. When I was at school it was like an escape for me. Even though I got talked about and picked on I was able to spend 6-7 hours learning and feeling okay about myself. I wanted to be an over achiever while remaining under the radar.

Its amazing when I look back at the experiences that I've had I haven't wound up worse. Suicide, alcoholism, drug-addict, prostitution anything of that nature is evident in women that have endured the struggles that I have. I have managed to over come and still move on. In our society its not an issue until a celebrity points it out. Well I'm not a celebrity, and its an issue that I'm pointing out.

I'm not writing these passages for sympathy of any kind. I'm writing these not only to show why I'm so complex as an individual and because I know there are many other women or men for that matter that have overcame the same issues as I have. To let them know they aren't alone. For those of you that may feel the need to judge me... Save it. I live and have lived my life the way I choose and don't care for your negative  comments or issues you may have.

This is the second of several passages to come... I am me. This is me.
*Shai*