Struggle

Its no secret that I have a checkered past. From the day that I was born until this day I have stood against tests of patience  and life. I know everyone has a story and everyone has been through something in their life. Not one person has it easier than the other. Atleast thats what they say. Ever since I was a young girl I've had struggle, I've went through things that no one or nothing should have to endure. I have done nothing but work to keep my head above the water line and struggle to stay a float. When I was younger I got placed into my aunts home for her to take care of us and she told me "its okay I know its been hard for you but you don't have to parent anymore its your time to be a kid." I was only 11 and didn't know exactly what "being a kid" was. Back then I began to put faith in the lord and do what was necessary to survive. Taking jobs and working after school whether it was baby sitting or working at Dairy Queen I knew in life you had to have money. At the age of 12 I got my first job and have been working ever since. Bounced in and out of foster care I was finally deemed an emmancipated adult at the age of 16. I still worked and went to school. I got made fun of constantly in junior and high school because I didn't have the latest sneaker Polo or Nautica fit. I didn't have my hair done on a regular or anything along those lines. I stayed to myself because I didn't fit in. I remember when I was 12 I got my first pair of name brand anything and you wouldn't believe where they came from.... The Dumpster in the back. They were Princess Reeboks I wore those shoes until they had a whole in the bottom. I still pushed myself to do what I had to to get where I need to be for me.

Now being a "adult" at 16 had its good things as well as its bad. Good thing: I could do whatever I wanted and did have to answer to anyone... Bad Thing: I did whatever I wanted and didn't answer to anyone. I've slept on bus stops & old abandoned houses all while making sure I made it to school EVERYDAY to make sure I graduated. When I was 17 I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest son. First thing that went through my mind was "abortion". I mean I have sex once with someone and I pop up pregnant... REALLY? I went back and forth then having  a strong family that wasn't my blood hold my hand through the whole ordeal. My school officials and son's father helped me through and I managed to graduate, extremely pregnant but I graduated. I then continued to go to school and work. Massage Therapy School... Night courses at Webster while working at Wal-Mart... Nursing Courses... I have never stayed in one place too long to call a place "home" and I continued this throughout my life. Running nightclubs, promo's for radio, managing artists, so on and so farth. One thing was sure I worked as everyone has to.

Life has changed for me since I was 22 I've stayed with friends and then had another child. I made a vow with my cousin who is now deceased when we were 13 that no matter what our children would not have to suffer like we did. Not know where their next meal will come from or have holes at the bottom of their shoes. I still live this creed to this day. I believe thats the reason why I'm so tired. Living 2-3 different lives in one day & more in 1 life. Some people talk down about me, diss me, and talk real crazy about me. Some I use to call friends, some I use to believe I could trust. But its okay I don't judge them because they don't know me, they don't know who I really am or where I've been. They don't know what I've endured or why I am the way that I am. So I'm not mad or upset by it.

Everyone has a story and this is part 1 of mine

*Shai*