L.I.G. (Let It Go)

So....

It's no secret that I remain friends with a lot of my exes. Well recently an ex of mine reached out to me pertaining to his dilemma that he is having with his current wife. As a friend I lent him my ear. Now first let me say this.... The things this man has told me would make any man run for the hills and be ready to put hands to this woman... I want to share some basic obvious rules in a relationship that you just don't do:
Rule #1 Never question your mans manhood.... That is something you don't do. You don't belittle your man and make him feel like less of a man.
Rule #2 You don't constantly accuse a man of cheating... That is a huge no no. Guess what you keep accusing him of cheating he will eventually go and cheat.
Rule #3 Don't show your insecurities by hacking into their Facebook, Twitter, and any other social media accounts going through their inbox and checking messages. You're not doing anything but make yourself look crazy and insane....
Now.... This is the main rule that led to this posting....
Rule #4 Never... I mean NEVER EVER.... Contact or confront a 3rd party about whatever it is you "assume" is going on.

The reason why I am posting the rules first is because as a woman I know the pain, heart ache, and motions a man can take you through.... But I most importantly know the drama queens and how they roll... This female is just that a drama queen. The whole time I have been chatting with my homie he goes in about her and the things he "tolerates" from her because he knew who she was when they met years ago. He said he wrote his demands in the sand. "Shai when we got back together, we went to counseling and I swear before I proposed she was like a better woman."... What happened.... Its what my mama like to call the "bait and switch"... She got him convinced cray cray was on a bus headed to nowhere when really cray cray had skipped the bus and hid in the attic. Case in point... The night of the wedding... This Po lil tink tink decided that my homie was sleeping with.... I hope your sitting down for this.... His cousin... Yes I said cousin. Now it sounds far fetched I know but I had my own personal experience with this "female"... Several years ago I injured my back. My homie reached out and even came to help me with my boys. Now as I listed in Rule #3... She hacked into his Facebook account and got my phone number. She called me and proceeded to yell about how my boy is a liar, a cheater, a deceiver, heat breaker, and I don't want you back in my life so I taking.... whoa whoa wait...(My bad but that was my song). Accuse him of all sorts of things. I told her then that we were only friends and nothing was going on. I told him to get his females in check and keep them off of my phone.

So why is he back with her...

Well a wise man once told me that crazy chicks have the best vajayjay. So that could of been the reason... Or maybe he did believe she had changed.... Maybe he felt he was at that age which it was time to get married and he looked around and cray cray was there.... Whatever the reason is... He married her. They're together... And he is miserable.

Wonder how long they've been married... Less than a year.... lol. Yep. Couldn't even make it through the "honeymoon" phase before all haities broke lose. Now I'm certain by now you are wondering why I am writing about this.... Well yesterday she crossed a line with me. I have been friends with this gentleman for 10+ years. He reached out to confide in me some "recent" develops which I won't say but (lets just say things have gotten worse) recently I contacted him for some advice and have a friendly ear. We chatted he gave me my advice and I kept it moving. I'm guessing she was doing her inspection of his inbox and decided that she was going to add me on Facebook and comment on a positive post so negatively. See below ( I removed the  names to protect those not involved)

Now... After this post a conversation via my inbox.... FROM HIS PAGE MIGHT I ADD. Once I messaged her my final statements.... Guess what y'all.... SHE TEXT ME!!!! Yep tink tink must of got my NEW number out of my home boy's phone and proceeded to text me about how "grown" she is and a whole slew of none sense. I was heated about her invading my page but I had to reference the good book, Matthew 5:44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
I had to remember that I must pray for her. With each message and each stroke I said a silent prayer... #1 That I remain the saved sistah that I am and #2 that she realizes that I'm not the enemy. You see the conversations myself and her "husband" had at the end of them I would ask him "how are you going to make it work. I mean you married her for a reason. Find that reason and remind yourself of it everyday." With every conversation ESPECIALLY WHEN HER FATHER DIED I asked how she was doing and how are they doing. That I was praying for her and her family as well as their relationship/marriage. As a "sistah" I tried to take the "sistahs united" front, keep your home happy and fix your marriage.

But en light of yesterday that mindset changed. You see the stories that my boy told me I didn't truly want to believe about her, until yesterday. Women allow their own insecurities cloud their judgement. Which is possibly the reason why so many men cheat or even leave their homes. For so long women blame men for the way they act but in all actuality you need to take responsibility for self. If a man hurt you take it as a lesson and look for the signs. Don't continuously punish the next man, or the current, or those around them because you will wind up alone and bitter... Did I mention alone.

Long Time No Entry...

Well so many things have changed in a year.... Yeah I know its been a year since my last blog posting. For that I apologize. But the most important thing is my growth in God. No this is not about to be a religious posting but a REALigious posting. Its true you get knocked down and the Lord will pick you up. I am definitely proof of this. I sit back and think about the victim I was the past 365 days. How I prayed to him and didn't hold faith. The tears I shed and the heartbreak I felt. I have given trust to those who weren't to be trusted. I believed that my life's experiences have led me to be smart about my decisions and whom I shall let around me. But I was wrong, a sad mistake because in life everyone has a motive. Whether it is good or bad.

I have been violated and are dealing with my demons that I have been running from for so long. I also have been helping others deal with theirs.  I wise woman once said "getting advice from someone who has never went through or experienced the things in life you have, is like a dog asking a bird how to clean themselves... Its painful and so wrong". So as much as I love some of my friends and family when I hear their opinions or advice I truly am not listening.  A woman without kids can't educate me on how to raise mine. A single woman can't educate me on how to keep my man. A umemployed moocher can not educate me on how to keep my job. No this doesn't mean that I don't respect our relationships or their opinions and none of those titles used were to anyone in particular but from my experiences I have learned that people don't take responsibility for their part in why something isn't working in their life. They blame everyone else. which means they aren't honest with themselves so why take advice from them? Most of the time the advice is coming from a vindictive cortex. Not intentionally, but subconsciously.  In life you have to worry about yourself. Make the choices that make you happy, a better person, and a better child of God. Because others will put their opinion in the stamp of what they feel you should do with your life, and your life has nothing to do with theirs. The Lord holds your destiny... Your friends and family are just a long for the ride.

 I am working on being a better me. Loving hard and fighting less, because my battles aren't mine.