L.I.G. (Let It Go)

So....

It's no secret that I remain friends with a lot of my exes. Well recently an ex of mine reached out to me pertaining to his dilemma that he is having with his current wife. As a friend I lent him my ear. Now first let me say this.... The things this man has told me would make any man run for the hills and be ready to put hands to this woman... I want to share some basic obvious rules in a relationship that you just don't do:
Rule #1 Never question your mans manhood.... That is something you don't do. You don't belittle your man and make him feel like less of a man.
Rule #2 You don't constantly accuse a man of cheating... That is a huge no no. Guess what you keep accusing him of cheating he will eventually go and cheat.
Rule #3 Don't show your insecurities by hacking into their Facebook, Twitter, and any other social media accounts going through their inbox and checking messages. You're not doing anything but make yourself look crazy and insane....
Now.... This is the main rule that led to this posting....
Rule #4 Never... I mean NEVER EVER.... Contact or confront a 3rd party about whatever it is you "assume" is going on.

The reason why I am posting the rules first is because as a woman I know the pain, heart ache, and motions a man can take you through.... But I most importantly know the drama queens and how they roll... This female is just that a drama queen. The whole time I have been chatting with my homie he goes in about her and the things he "tolerates" from her because he knew who she was when they met years ago. He said he wrote his demands in the sand. "Shai when we got back together, we went to counseling and I swear before I proposed she was like a better woman."... What happened.... Its what my mama like to call the "bait and switch"... She got him convinced cray cray was on a bus headed to nowhere when really cray cray had skipped the bus and hid in the attic. Case in point... The night of the wedding... This Po lil tink tink decided that my homie was sleeping with.... I hope your sitting down for this.... His cousin... Yes I said cousin. Now it sounds far fetched I know but I had my own personal experience with this "female"... Several years ago I injured my back. My homie reached out and even came to help me with my boys. Now as I listed in Rule #3... She hacked into his Facebook account and got my phone number. She called me and proceeded to yell about how my boy is a liar, a cheater, a deceiver, heat breaker, and I don't want you back in my life so I taking.... whoa whoa wait...(My bad but that was my song). Accuse him of all sorts of things. I told her then that we were only friends and nothing was going on. I told him to get his females in check and keep them off of my phone.

So why is he back with her...

Well a wise man once told me that crazy chicks have the best vajayjay. So that could of been the reason... Or maybe he did believe she had changed.... Maybe he felt he was at that age which it was time to get married and he looked around and cray cray was there.... Whatever the reason is... He married her. They're together... And he is miserable.

Wonder how long they've been married... Less than a year.... lol. Yep. Couldn't even make it through the "honeymoon" phase before all haities broke lose. Now I'm certain by now you are wondering why I am writing about this.... Well yesterday she crossed a line with me. I have been friends with this gentleman for 10+ years. He reached out to confide in me some "recent" develops which I won't say but (lets just say things have gotten worse) recently I contacted him for some advice and have a friendly ear. We chatted he gave me my advice and I kept it moving. I'm guessing she was doing her inspection of his inbox and decided that she was going to add me on Facebook and comment on a positive post so negatively. See below ( I removed the  names to protect those not involved)

Now... After this post a conversation via my inbox.... FROM HIS PAGE MIGHT I ADD. Once I messaged her my final statements.... Guess what y'all.... SHE TEXT ME!!!! Yep tink tink must of got my NEW number out of my home boy's phone and proceeded to text me about how "grown" she is and a whole slew of none sense. I was heated about her invading my page but I had to reference the good book, Matthew 5:44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
I had to remember that I must pray for her. With each message and each stroke I said a silent prayer... #1 That I remain the saved sistah that I am and #2 that she realizes that I'm not the enemy. You see the conversations myself and her "husband" had at the end of them I would ask him "how are you going to make it work. I mean you married her for a reason. Find that reason and remind yourself of it everyday." With every conversation ESPECIALLY WHEN HER FATHER DIED I asked how she was doing and how are they doing. That I was praying for her and her family as well as their relationship/marriage. As a "sistah" I tried to take the "sistahs united" front, keep your home happy and fix your marriage.

But en light of yesterday that mindset changed. You see the stories that my boy told me I didn't truly want to believe about her, until yesterday. Women allow their own insecurities cloud their judgement. Which is possibly the reason why so many men cheat or even leave their homes. For so long women blame men for the way they act but in all actuality you need to take responsibility for self. If a man hurt you take it as a lesson and look for the signs. Don't continuously punish the next man, or the current, or those around them because you will wind up alone and bitter... Did I mention alone.

Bring Me The Sexy...

This is for everyone...

Specifically for the fellas...

Guys I really need you to read this and possibly take notes. SERIOUSLY!!!

So its a Friday or Saturday night. You decide to hit either your favorite nightlife venue or try something new. While there you see an extremely (well you find her) attractive woman either sitting with her girls or standing and chit chatting (yeah I said chit chatting) with some people she knows. This is where it may get a little bit tricky. By now you've probably had 1 or 2 drinks and are feeling yourself. DO NOT stare this woman down. Why? It freaks us the heck out when you're staring at us like were a 2 piece from Popeye's and you haven't eaten in 12 hours. DO NOT give us the wink. Why? That ish went out in the 80's and you look so lame when doing it. DO NOT stare at her ass as she walks past. Why? It's degrading and makes us feel cheap and we really won't give you the time of day the chick is not a hoe and if that is what you want than stop reading NOW!

Social Gathering Etiquette 101 for Men:
If the beautiful image (yes I can get metaphorical) is across the room approach her and gently tap her. Don't grab her waist, touch her ass... yes some Negro's are bold to do that ish. Pay her a small compliment don't go way deep into "Yeah baby I saw you from across the room and you took my breath away I had to come and know your name"... Its 2011 and we will laugh at you. Tell her she caught your eye or you thought she was attractive. Ask to pull her aside and speak with her. If she finds you attractive or is intrigued in you she will step aside with you. If not then your work is done. Dust yourself off and move on to the next. But chances are she'll step aside just to see what you have to say.

Getting her away from her girls is key for more than one reason:
1) You won't have them staring you down with an attitude because they're not not getting any "play".
2) She won't have any distractions and can fully listen to what you have to say and you're able to start up the general What's your name, what's your Alma mater, or whatever type of convo you're looking to have outside of SEX.

Once the convo has begun then you should offer her a drink. This drink is not to get her drunk so you can take her home or have your way with her. Oh and for those lames that believe that I bought you a drink you owe me your time and the rest of your night really need to let it go. A $7.00 drink isn't hurting your pockets.Yes we're in a recession but if you're that broke you shouldn't be out at all! Some women will except but those that aren't drinking or choose not to accept a drink from a man (due to past terrifying experiences) will reject it. You should not take more than 15 mins of this woman's time, UNLESS she decides to stay. But if she is out with just 1 of her girls chances are she will say she has to get back to her  friend & you should let her go. If the brief conversation is going well you then exchange numbers.... Its a myth that a man must take a woman's number and call her first. Yes its the thrill of the chase but I have been told by several men that men like some contact to be initiated as well just to eleviate some of the stress that comes along with a new connection or friend. Plus a lot of people don't answer unknown numbers anyway & her having yours guarantees she will answer your call.

Bam you're done!! Nothing else is needed. Don't follow her throughout the club. Don't continue to stare at her for the rest of the night. Don't turn into a Casanova in the club either and try to hit on 50 other women that are there that night. You look bad and chances are she won't answer you when you call.

Women like to feel the sexy and we need a confident man. We don't want someone to come at us like they have a rehearsed line because every situation is completely different and what worked on Elise won't work on Sharon. If you be yourself and approach a woman with the respect she deserves (despite what she is wearing) you may get some interesting results....

I hope this helps those lacking game or are trying to figure out why they always get laughed at or ignored at the club or any public space.

***borrowed photos from stlonfire.com***