L.I.G. (Let It Go)

So....

It's no secret that I remain friends with a lot of my exes. Well recently an ex of mine reached out to me pertaining to his dilemma that he is having with his current wife. As a friend I lent him my ear. Now first let me say this.... The things this man has told me would make any man run for the hills and be ready to put hands to this woman... I want to share some basic obvious rules in a relationship that you just don't do:
Rule #1 Never question your mans manhood.... That is something you don't do. You don't belittle your man and make him feel like less of a man.
Rule #2 You don't constantly accuse a man of cheating... That is a huge no no. Guess what you keep accusing him of cheating he will eventually go and cheat.
Rule #3 Don't show your insecurities by hacking into their Facebook, Twitter, and any other social media accounts going through their inbox and checking messages. You're not doing anything but make yourself look crazy and insane....
Now.... This is the main rule that led to this posting....
Rule #4 Never... I mean NEVER EVER.... Contact or confront a 3rd party about whatever it is you "assume" is going on.

The reason why I am posting the rules first is because as a woman I know the pain, heart ache, and motions a man can take you through.... But I most importantly know the drama queens and how they roll... This female is just that a drama queen. The whole time I have been chatting with my homie he goes in about her and the things he "tolerates" from her because he knew who she was when they met years ago. He said he wrote his demands in the sand. "Shai when we got back together, we went to counseling and I swear before I proposed she was like a better woman."... What happened.... Its what my mama like to call the "bait and switch"... She got him convinced cray cray was on a bus headed to nowhere when really cray cray had skipped the bus and hid in the attic. Case in point... The night of the wedding... This Po lil tink tink decided that my homie was sleeping with.... I hope your sitting down for this.... His cousin... Yes I said cousin. Now it sounds far fetched I know but I had my own personal experience with this "female"... Several years ago I injured my back. My homie reached out and even came to help me with my boys. Now as I listed in Rule #3... She hacked into his Facebook account and got my phone number. She called me and proceeded to yell about how my boy is a liar, a cheater, a deceiver, heat breaker, and I don't want you back in my life so I taking.... whoa whoa wait...(My bad but that was my song). Accuse him of all sorts of things. I told her then that we were only friends and nothing was going on. I told him to get his females in check and keep them off of my phone.

So why is he back with her...

Well a wise man once told me that crazy chicks have the best vajayjay. So that could of been the reason... Or maybe he did believe she had changed.... Maybe he felt he was at that age which it was time to get married and he looked around and cray cray was there.... Whatever the reason is... He married her. They're together... And he is miserable.

Wonder how long they've been married... Less than a year.... lol. Yep. Couldn't even make it through the "honeymoon" phase before all haities broke lose. Now I'm certain by now you are wondering why I am writing about this.... Well yesterday she crossed a line with me. I have been friends with this gentleman for 10+ years. He reached out to confide in me some "recent" develops which I won't say but (lets just say things have gotten worse) recently I contacted him for some advice and have a friendly ear. We chatted he gave me my advice and I kept it moving. I'm guessing she was doing her inspection of his inbox and decided that she was going to add me on Facebook and comment on a positive post so negatively. See below ( I removed the  names to protect those not involved)

Now... After this post a conversation via my inbox.... FROM HIS PAGE MIGHT I ADD. Once I messaged her my final statements.... Guess what y'all.... SHE TEXT ME!!!! Yep tink tink must of got my NEW number out of my home boy's phone and proceeded to text me about how "grown" she is and a whole slew of none sense. I was heated about her invading my page but I had to reference the good book, Matthew 5:44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.
I had to remember that I must pray for her. With each message and each stroke I said a silent prayer... #1 That I remain the saved sistah that I am and #2 that she realizes that I'm not the enemy. You see the conversations myself and her "husband" had at the end of them I would ask him "how are you going to make it work. I mean you married her for a reason. Find that reason and remind yourself of it everyday." With every conversation ESPECIALLY WHEN HER FATHER DIED I asked how she was doing and how are they doing. That I was praying for her and her family as well as their relationship/marriage. As a "sistah" I tried to take the "sistahs united" front, keep your home happy and fix your marriage.

But en light of yesterday that mindset changed. You see the stories that my boy told me I didn't truly want to believe about her, until yesterday. Women allow their own insecurities cloud their judgement. Which is possibly the reason why so many men cheat or even leave their homes. For so long women blame men for the way they act but in all actuality you need to take responsibility for self. If a man hurt you take it as a lesson and look for the signs. Don't continuously punish the next man, or the current, or those around them because you will wind up alone and bitter... Did I mention alone.

Everlasting Time

Its amazing... Life.

They say time heals all wounds and some love is everlasting. Really who comes up with this crap. My mother who fell madly in love for a man almost 20 years ago still holds a huge chunk of her heart. Yes she is happily married to someone else but even he knows the extent of the love they (my mom & 1st stepdad) share. Every time they are around each other everyone feels it. Its like a inside joke that only the 2 of them know. Now both are married to others that I believe they love but not whole heartedly. Why because this other person has a piece of their heart.
They say your suppose to evolve and grow from life's experiences. "Learn to move on" my dad (current, weird sounding I know) said, "best way to get over is to get under." Sorry, I'm knew to this love thing and maybe I'm wrong in thinking this but I swore when you love something you should never let it go. I mean especially if that love or the one you love isn't toxic. Like abusive or frigid. I was the queen of getting over by getting under but I have grown tired of that. Especially the "next" feeling. Most of the guys I have dealt with we are good friends now. Some have hurt me tremendously and the few that I know I had a bond with I couldn't be their friend because of the mild resentment I have for them, heck I wouldn't spit on them or they mama if they was on fire.
Have you ever thought to yourself that you just aren't the marrying type. Like you are here to learn a lesson but not have a mate. There are like 7 women for every man on the earth. So who is the lucky 1 that lands him and the other 6 wind up alone with an animal that you're allergic to.
I have some guy friends that I like to call serial boyfriends meaning they can't be without a girlfriend, eventhough they don't stay in these relationships long but they treat the girlfriend as if she is the future Mrs. Being a single mother in this world doesn't help. I work and huSTLe trying to provide for me and mine. I'm so ready for my husband and mate. I continue to pray but until then... I'm going to try to let time heal my wound and let go of the love I believed was everlasting.

Precious Heartbreak, Heather's Story

1983
You, Heather Jelon Clark was born, my cousin, my best friend... Shortly to follow I came into this world. We grew up thick as thieves and because we were so close in age we bumped heads a lot. Its amazing what you remember when you lose someone you love. Someone that you made a promise to that no matter what happens we'll always be there for one another. Not sure what happened between us during our teenage years but we lost touch and became separated. You did your thing and I did mine. Even though you didn't live your life the best way, you did what you had to provide for your kids.

2006
You came to me needing a place to stay. Reminding me of the promise we made to each other so many years ago. Of course I am here for you and you're my family, I opened up my home. I remember a conversation we had one night and you said "I'm not going to be alone, I need someone in my life and I'm going to be without a man". Of course the logical person in me said that you need to focus on self and get yourself out of the rut that you're in and then think about a man. Not sure if you thought I was preaching but you got upset and moved out a week or so later.

2007
You became sick this year. This is the year the doctors called me, because I was your emergency contact and told me that you have leukemia & epilepsy. Your mom was by your side most of the year as was I. Doctor's visits and radiation treatments consumed us this year. Finally it became too much and you were checked into a care facility where you can receive 24 hour care. But you kept getting worse. I finally took you to a specialist and it was deemed you had HIV not leukemia or epilepsy and due to the radiation therapies you are in the acute stage of AIDS. You lost so much weight and got so many infections and was in so much pain. They couldn't do anything to save you or fix it. I began to believe that my being a hospice nurse was for you. To be there for you when they took you off of the medications and only gave you morphine for the pain. Everyday I sat by your side on the 13th floor in Barnes. Everyday I was there with you. Bringing our family and friends to visit. Until the day you said to me "I've made my peace and the Lord has forgiven me. I love you Shamelia". I knew I just knew it was your time to go and he was calling you home. We lost you that fall and I felt precious heartbreak.


2011
Every year I celebrate your birthday with your favorite meals whether its Red Lobster or my Fried Chicken, Southern Mac & Cheese, and Corn Bread. Happy 28th Birthday cousin I love you so much.

You never know when someone you love will lose their life. My cousin lost hers while in the search for love in all the wrong places... Chat lines and in the streets. She leaves behind a beautiful son & daughter that look just like her and has her personality. AIDS is real and is in our city. The person who gave it to her I'm sure has given it to someone else. Wrap it up and be safe because sometimes looking for something you feel you need can change your life forever.

Bring Me The Sexy...

This is for everyone...

Specifically for the fellas...

Guys I really need you to read this and possibly take notes. SERIOUSLY!!!

So its a Friday or Saturday night. You decide to hit either your favorite nightlife venue or try something new. While there you see an extremely (well you find her) attractive woman either sitting with her girls or standing and chit chatting (yeah I said chit chatting) with some people she knows. This is where it may get a little bit tricky. By now you've probably had 1 or 2 drinks and are feeling yourself. DO NOT stare this woman down. Why? It freaks us the heck out when you're staring at us like were a 2 piece from Popeye's and you haven't eaten in 12 hours. DO NOT give us the wink. Why? That ish went out in the 80's and you look so lame when doing it. DO NOT stare at her ass as she walks past. Why? It's degrading and makes us feel cheap and we really won't give you the time of day the chick is not a hoe and if that is what you want than stop reading NOW!

Social Gathering Etiquette 101 for Men:
If the beautiful image (yes I can get metaphorical) is across the room approach her and gently tap her. Don't grab her waist, touch her ass... yes some Negro's are bold to do that ish. Pay her a small compliment don't go way deep into "Yeah baby I saw you from across the room and you took my breath away I had to come and know your name"... Its 2011 and we will laugh at you. Tell her she caught your eye or you thought she was attractive. Ask to pull her aside and speak with her. If she finds you attractive or is intrigued in you she will step aside with you. If not then your work is done. Dust yourself off and move on to the next. But chances are she'll step aside just to see what you have to say.

Getting her away from her girls is key for more than one reason:
1) You won't have them staring you down with an attitude because they're not not getting any "play".
2) She won't have any distractions and can fully listen to what you have to say and you're able to start up the general What's your name, what's your Alma mater, or whatever type of convo you're looking to have outside of SEX.

Once the convo has begun then you should offer her a drink. This drink is not to get her drunk so you can take her home or have your way with her. Oh and for those lames that believe that I bought you a drink you owe me your time and the rest of your night really need to let it go. A $7.00 drink isn't hurting your pockets.Yes we're in a recession but if you're that broke you shouldn't be out at all! Some women will except but those that aren't drinking or choose not to accept a drink from a man (due to past terrifying experiences) will reject it. You should not take more than 15 mins of this woman's time, UNLESS she decides to stay. But if she is out with just 1 of her girls chances are she will say she has to get back to her  friend & you should let her go. If the brief conversation is going well you then exchange numbers.... Its a myth that a man must take a woman's number and call her first. Yes its the thrill of the chase but I have been told by several men that men like some contact to be initiated as well just to eleviate some of the stress that comes along with a new connection or friend. Plus a lot of people don't answer unknown numbers anyway & her having yours guarantees she will answer your call.

Bam you're done!! Nothing else is needed. Don't follow her throughout the club. Don't continue to stare at her for the rest of the night. Don't turn into a Casanova in the club either and try to hit on 50 other women that are there that night. You look bad and chances are she won't answer you when you call.

Women like to feel the sexy and we need a confident man. We don't want someone to come at us like they have a rehearsed line because every situation is completely different and what worked on Elise won't work on Sharon. If you be yourself and approach a woman with the respect she deserves (despite what she is wearing) you may get some interesting results....

I hope this helps those lacking game or are trying to figure out why they always get laughed at or ignored at the club or any public space.

***borrowed photos from stlonfire.com***

Stress Free Friday Night + Recess = Relationship?

Friday I went out and caught up with some old friends. It was nice to "social" mingle on a Friday night.3 events in 1 it was a little bit overwhelming... Too much going on in 1 place a extremely small place may I add. It was a great night out. You know when you have old friends together especially female friends the relationship conversation would come up. The lies, cheating, so on and so forth.  When having a convo with friends in 4 different relationship "paths" such as one who is married, one single like me, and one who is in a standard relationship you're bound to have a "debate". Not this night though we were enjoying Recess and having a Stress Free Friday. Talking with them made you get into the mentality of I'm a single woman who has reached an age that has me ready for my husband or a mate. Here we are sitting having conversations with 2 friends that are already "booed up" and they begin having couples chat. You single and in a relationship people can understand what I mean. The "Hey girl you, me, x, & y need to have dinner... yadda, yadda, yadda." Don't get me wrong I'm happy my girls have men that love them but having that chat while your single girls are around not cool... Not to mention it's annoying. Yes women especially black women get together we talk about men just like we talk about fashion, hair, fitness, and so many other things. But couples chat while you're sitting with single friends sometimes feels like a smack in the face. Don't sit in front of your single friends planning couples outings. I'm a person who believes that certain things that occur aren't right by any means and I have to address it  especially when it effects a friend. Especially if your relationship is based on devious behavior.... But that's a whole different blog at a later date. I am learning not to do that and let "sleeping dogs lie" as an older & much wiser woman told me once.

I was speaking with a very established woman in the entertainment industry for promotions in St. Louis, New York, Chicago, heck everywhere. I look up to her and admire her as a woman in business and life. We were talking about being in an relationship while in the industry. She told me that when she got started she was already married. So the stressors of  getting into a relationship really weren't there. The struggle of wondering if the guy that approached you to chat was wanting to chat with you and get to know you or looking for a way in & up wasn't a concern of hers. I have been surrounded by the industry for years and I made the choice to get involved. I went in with the mindset of I shall be single & have fun. Yes I dated & hung out with several men but not with the mindset of you're going to be my man. Well not until these past couple of years. Recently it dawned on me that my fear of being used kept me from allowing anybody in to be with me.... the real me. Men in the promotions/marketing game fail to realize that women have groupies too male & female groupies. Every event, concert, etc. I did was  on a low key tip, no one needed to know who I was or what I had to do with anything. Sitting in the background with my Blackberry, pointing my finger, and giving orders. All I did was work regular 9-5 in the day and nightlife 9-5. Running a nightclub, being a hospice nurse, a promoter, not to mention a mom, legal guardian, small socialite. I didn't have time nor the patience for sorting through whether or not a guy was genuinely into me.

Now I have changed my whole outlook on life. Maybe I'm getting older or just ready for a real mate. She told me that "the best advice that I can give is date outside of the industry". Hilarious thing, everyone that I meet has an connection to the industry. I look at my guy friend promoters/marketers, well those that are in a REAL relationships and they all have married or are dating outside professionals. They are very happy and the women that they are involved with understand the politics. Men on the other hand a whole other story. Case in point. My recent ex and I were out at a venue and I ran into a guy friend of mine who just happens to play pro football. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a hugger, So I embraced him (not a full on embrace but a hug) and then turned to introduce my ex to him and who's face was twisted but he still spoke.  He seemed to be upset or jealous. As we were leaving the gentleman & I were saying our byes and followed up with "Shai you really need to come to one of my games" before I could say something my ex responded "We will"... Wow really are we jealous? Lets just say that ruined the rest of our night. Jealousy is something I don't do, especially not from a man.

Yeah I was all over the place mentally on Friday, I know one thing though in 2011 I hope that the LORD sends me an understanding man... My life and as you can see Friday Nights are just a wee bit complicated. lol

**Some photos were courtesy of bfreepaparazzi.com**

I Think I Have A Crush... In More Ways Than 1!!!

I've known of this group for just about 5 years or so... I was their manager when they were affiliated with Pegasus Worldwide and since they have blown up since being under the watchful eye of Ms. Jackie Phillips of WhereUWant2B Entertainment. Here is the latest from MoTre featuring the ever so gorgeous Ebony Eyes: Crush. Check it out and tell me what you think...

Shout out to MoTre, Ebony Eyes, Jackie Philips, Phat Buddha Studios, RemRod Photography, Young Ro, all of the gorgeous ladies from St. Louis that made an appearance. 

The Game... Lame?

SORRY FOR SOME REASON THIS DIDN'T GET POSTED LAST NIGHT!!!

So the highly anticipated, fought for and sought after show "The Game" aired its first episode tonight of their return season. Ofcourse being a true fan I waited, set the DVR, and turned all of my TV's to BET. Made sure my light and low fat diet friendly snack was ready. First came the VIPeek on 106 & Park. Let me state that Tia Mowry aka Melanie aka Girl Melanie aka Med School's weave jobs have gotten progressively better throughout their "promotional" tour via the talk shows. Finding out that Terrence from 106 was going to be on there enticed me even more. Yes I have a small crush on that fine specimen of a man.

Anywho at 9p we get the opener with Mr. Derwin Davis (Pooch Hall) in the middle of a media frenzy Ms. Tasha Mack (Wendy Raquel Robinson) cursing someone out in true Tasha form. They had me set and ready to go for the show. The production value has tremendously improved you can tell the invested the money into the production in the show and the sets of the scenes. Which in some cases it was good. But for some reason, call me crazy but the scenes were awkward. I mean it seemed to be over acted. Tia Mowry completely over acted Melanie and Brittany Daniel over acted Kelly Pitts. Colby Bell seemed the same arrogant a-hole he was and as well as Hosea Chancez as Malik Wright. They made Derwin extremely overly emotional on this episode.

I don't like Melanie's new character and I know the story line is 2 years later but dang she's a bitter married black woman jealous of a 2 year old? Really!!! Not cool. Tasha has a new boy toy but has become a punk when it comes to Kelly. Where did the hard Tasha Mack go? Not cool. Malik is the same "I'm the shit" Malik has been and Ms. Meagan Goode is an awesome addition to the cast an they couldn't of picked a more perfect person to play a cheating rich old man's wife. I love the beef between Kelly and Jason its natural on a bitter breakup but would of like to see the ever so gorgeous Ms. Stacey Dash aka Camille back as a cast member. What happened to Malik's sister? I figured she'd be a singing sensation now. "TT" is going to get back at the dogness of Malik. I miss the goofy antics of TT and hope he gets back to his old self.

All in all the new layout of the show will have to grow on me. I will have to get use to it because its NO WHERE near what I hoped it would of been like. Will I tune in next we DEFINITELY... I need to know how Girl Melanie is going to get herself out of this situation... lol. Until then Adios!!!!

Busts vs Donks

Being a black (1/3 part) woman I have came across many black men that idolize the "big ass". I have several guy friends and I quote "thick with a fat azz is an ideal womanly figure in every ethnicity". So being a single woman I wonder hmm...is that the reason why I'm single? Because I don't have an "donk" it makes me unattractive to black man. Probably not. I believe its the shallowness of the man. Most of the women that I see have huge donks aren't even attractive.

What is the fascination with butts? You can't do anything with it but watch them move and shit out of. They don't even serve a purpose. Sure they are nice in a pair of jeans, but what else? I found out most women that have these "phat asses" get Brazilian Butt Lifts & implants in order to make it big. Hell I was even considering it. Not anymore. Why to appease a man that will only love me because my booty is bigger? Nah, I'll pass. Men say its nice to watch.... Something to grab on... Um okay, is that it? Take the picture to the right. Ms Buffie The Body, ofcourse she has a big booty but what else does she offer. Is she intelligent? NO. Can she hold a conversation? Probably about the most recent hip hop video she has done or maybe what celebrity she has slept with. Some that are reading this may deem me as a "hater". Never. I'm just trying to understand what the hype is about. Its kinda like the Natural hair vs. Relaxed/Weaved hair debate. Someone said straight hair is better than your own naturally curly hair.So you have women like Ms. Buffie the Body rocking weaves that cost more than some peoples mortgage. So here we go with another cliche that you ain't black or sexy if your waist isn't a certain size and butt a certain width.

Now to the left you have me... Please excuse the facial expression that is the side effects of my drunken birthday celebration, the diva really shines. Back to the subject at hand. As you can see I am blessed with the breasts and I love them. I consider myself a gorgeous woman. Plus I'm black... Well black, Puerto Rican, & German. FYI I don't have an "ass"!!! Does me not having an ass make me a less attactive woman than Ms. Buffie? Better yet do me not having an "ass" make me any less than an attractive black woman to a black man? I wonder. Fellas don't be shy to comment on this one. As much as you are to post and talk about women with the butt shots all over the internet.... 

The Fast... Day 1

After doing some research over the past few days I've decided to start my "Fast" today. 7-days of water and juice (prune juice in particular) to cleanse my mind, body, and spirit. Get rid of the toxins in my body and relieve some pressure from my spirit. Clear body + Clear mind = Clear Spirit.

Yeah I know it sounds real nice don't it. I LOVE food... No seriously I literally LOVE food. Recently I was diagnosed with a Peptic Ulcer & High Blood Pressure both my doctor believes was stress induced. My blood pressure has since decreased and the Ulcer has healed. I as a mother was taking on entirely too much and started to take its toll on my body. I have 2 boys to live for and need to get my life and body back. Fluctuation in weight and stress levels is really taking its toll. Some fast for 30 to 90 days and all of that is cool but not I said the fat girl. lol. 7 days is all I really need considering my diet has already been modified due to the recent health issues...

So here we go The Fast... Day 1.

If anyone out there have any suggestions or questions please comment. Thanx    

Day 1- Higher Heights

I didn't know what I wanted in 2011. Whether or not I wanted to be in a relationship or what. One thing I did know was that I didn't want to make the same resolutions that are standard every year that are never successful. You know the I wanna lose weight, or get a new and better job, or be in an relationship. Don't get me wrong I want all of those things but right now I just am not sure. So today 1.10.2011 is Day1 for me. What happens next is up to me. I pray that the Lord takes me to higher heights. I started this blog to document my day to day achievements and goals with being a single mother, future lover, business woman, employee, daughter, sister, and friend. You can call this my e-journal as you will. Video posts, written posts, articles, and topics that matter to me. Why? Because at the end of the Day... I'm all that matters.