Everlasting Time

Its amazing... Life.

They say time heals all wounds and some love is everlasting. Really who comes up with this crap. My mother who fell madly in love for a man almost 20 years ago still holds a huge chunk of her heart. Yes she is happily married to someone else but even he knows the extent of the love they (my mom & 1st stepdad) share. Every time they are around each other everyone feels it. Its like a inside joke that only the 2 of them know. Now both are married to others that I believe they love but not whole heartedly. Why because this other person has a piece of their heart.
They say your suppose to evolve and grow from life's experiences. "Learn to move on" my dad (current, weird sounding I know) said, "best way to get over is to get under." Sorry, I'm knew to this love thing and maybe I'm wrong in thinking this but I swore when you love something you should never let it go. I mean especially if that love or the one you love isn't toxic. Like abusive or frigid. I was the queen of getting over by getting under but I have grown tired of that. Especially the "next" feeling. Most of the guys I have dealt with we are good friends now. Some have hurt me tremendously and the few that I know I had a bond with I couldn't be their friend because of the mild resentment I have for them, heck I wouldn't spit on them or they mama if they was on fire.
Have you ever thought to yourself that you just aren't the marrying type. Like you are here to learn a lesson but not have a mate. There are like 7 women for every man on the earth. So who is the lucky 1 that lands him and the other 6 wind up alone with an animal that you're allergic to.
I have some guy friends that I like to call serial boyfriends meaning they can't be without a girlfriend, eventhough they don't stay in these relationships long but they treat the girlfriend as if she is the future Mrs. Being a single mother in this world doesn't help. I work and huSTLe trying to provide for me and mine. I'm so ready for my husband and mate. I continue to pray but until then... I'm going to try to let time heal my wound and let go of the love I believed was everlasting.

Ex Factor?

After my last 2 postings "Struggle" & "Struggle Part Duex" I had to take some time to gather my thoughts especially with being single on Valentine's Day yet again. I had a nice V-Day though with my bestie and mini. Lately an ex from way back, I mean waaaaaay back in the day has popped up. One thing about coming across someone who you haven't seen in so many years is that you know how much you have grown since being with them. How different you are now than when you to were together. When we met I was a youngin' like 19 and he was of course older. Back then I was on a have fun basis. Like any and every relationships we had our ups and downs. But  I was about fun and excitement back then. I also was about business and a relationship didn't fit into the picture. I also have had contact with another ex that knew me back then as well.

Oh have I grown, lol. Now I can't wake up without thinking about a relationship and how I am ready to be in a relationship, settle down, and be a caker. One thing they have showed me is how I have grown as a person. Turned into the woman that I am now, its amazing. I had a thrill for motorcycles and late nights. Now my life consists of the highlight of my week is the latest reality show and Grey's Anatomy. Going out and getting out of the house is like a vacation. My days are full of spills, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and sing-a-longs. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade it for the world. Is it the age and getting older?

I talk to my friends and more than half of them are in relationships or married or getting ready to be married. Some are calling me for mommy advice because either have just had a baby or are about to. If I go out it has to be worth it or I feel like its not worth my time. Before I worked and have fun. now I work and work. Fun is next to nill right now. I need to get that back. Its amazing it takes talking to exes to remind me of that. I'm single and need to get out and meet other singles. That don't have an issue with kids (because I have 2), staying at home on a Saturday night and watch a good movie, ocassionally go out and have a good time at a local lounge. Don't get me wrong I still go out (sometimes), just not all of the time.

Bring Me The Sexy...

This is for everyone...

Specifically for the fellas...

Guys I really need you to read this and possibly take notes. SERIOUSLY!!!

So its a Friday or Saturday night. You decide to hit either your favorite nightlife venue or try something new. While there you see an extremely (well you find her) attractive woman either sitting with her girls or standing and chit chatting (yeah I said chit chatting) with some people she knows. This is where it may get a little bit tricky. By now you've probably had 1 or 2 drinks and are feeling yourself. DO NOT stare this woman down. Why? It freaks us the heck out when you're staring at us like were a 2 piece from Popeye's and you haven't eaten in 12 hours. DO NOT give us the wink. Why? That ish went out in the 80's and you look so lame when doing it. DO NOT stare at her ass as she walks past. Why? It's degrading and makes us feel cheap and we really won't give you the time of day the chick is not a hoe and if that is what you want than stop reading NOW!

Social Gathering Etiquette 101 for Men:
If the beautiful image (yes I can get metaphorical) is across the room approach her and gently tap her. Don't grab her waist, touch her ass... yes some Negro's are bold to do that ish. Pay her a small compliment don't go way deep into "Yeah baby I saw you from across the room and you took my breath away I had to come and know your name"... Its 2011 and we will laugh at you. Tell her she caught your eye or you thought she was attractive. Ask to pull her aside and speak with her. If she finds you attractive or is intrigued in you she will step aside with you. If not then your work is done. Dust yourself off and move on to the next. But chances are she'll step aside just to see what you have to say.

Getting her away from her girls is key for more than one reason:
1) You won't have them staring you down with an attitude because they're not not getting any "play".
2) She won't have any distractions and can fully listen to what you have to say and you're able to start up the general What's your name, what's your Alma mater, or whatever type of convo you're looking to have outside of SEX.

Once the convo has begun then you should offer her a drink. This drink is not to get her drunk so you can take her home or have your way with her. Oh and for those lames that believe that I bought you a drink you owe me your time and the rest of your night really need to let it go. A $7.00 drink isn't hurting your pockets.Yes we're in a recession but if you're that broke you shouldn't be out at all! Some women will except but those that aren't drinking or choose not to accept a drink from a man (due to past terrifying experiences) will reject it. You should not take more than 15 mins of this woman's time, UNLESS she decides to stay. But if she is out with just 1 of her girls chances are she will say she has to get back to her  friend & you should let her go. If the brief conversation is going well you then exchange numbers.... Its a myth that a man must take a woman's number and call her first. Yes its the thrill of the chase but I have been told by several men that men like some contact to be initiated as well just to eleviate some of the stress that comes along with a new connection or friend. Plus a lot of people don't answer unknown numbers anyway & her having yours guarantees she will answer your call.

Bam you're done!! Nothing else is needed. Don't follow her throughout the club. Don't continue to stare at her for the rest of the night. Don't turn into a Casanova in the club either and try to hit on 50 other women that are there that night. You look bad and chances are she won't answer you when you call.

Women like to feel the sexy and we need a confident man. We don't want someone to come at us like they have a rehearsed line because every situation is completely different and what worked on Elise won't work on Sharon. If you be yourself and approach a woman with the respect she deserves (despite what she is wearing) you may get some interesting results....

I hope this helps those lacking game or are trying to figure out why they always get laughed at or ignored at the club or any public space.

***borrowed photos from stlonfire.com***

Stress Free Friday Night + Recess = Relationship?

Friday I went out and caught up with some old friends. It was nice to "social" mingle on a Friday night.3 events in 1 it was a little bit overwhelming... Too much going on in 1 place a extremely small place may I add. It was a great night out. You know when you have old friends together especially female friends the relationship conversation would come up. The lies, cheating, so on and so forth.  When having a convo with friends in 4 different relationship "paths" such as one who is married, one single like me, and one who is in a standard relationship you're bound to have a "debate". Not this night though we were enjoying Recess and having a Stress Free Friday. Talking with them made you get into the mentality of I'm a single woman who has reached an age that has me ready for my husband or a mate. Here we are sitting having conversations with 2 friends that are already "booed up" and they begin having couples chat. You single and in a relationship people can understand what I mean. The "Hey girl you, me, x, & y need to have dinner... yadda, yadda, yadda." Don't get me wrong I'm happy my girls have men that love them but having that chat while your single girls are around not cool... Not to mention it's annoying. Yes women especially black women get together we talk about men just like we talk about fashion, hair, fitness, and so many other things. But couples chat while you're sitting with single friends sometimes feels like a smack in the face. Don't sit in front of your single friends planning couples outings. I'm a person who believes that certain things that occur aren't right by any means and I have to address it  especially when it effects a friend. Especially if your relationship is based on devious behavior.... But that's a whole different blog at a later date. I am learning not to do that and let "sleeping dogs lie" as an older & much wiser woman told me once.

I was speaking with a very established woman in the entertainment industry for promotions in St. Louis, New York, Chicago, heck everywhere. I look up to her and admire her as a woman in business and life. We were talking about being in an relationship while in the industry. She told me that when she got started she was already married. So the stressors of  getting into a relationship really weren't there. The struggle of wondering if the guy that approached you to chat was wanting to chat with you and get to know you or looking for a way in & up wasn't a concern of hers. I have been surrounded by the industry for years and I made the choice to get involved. I went in with the mindset of I shall be single & have fun. Yes I dated & hung out with several men but not with the mindset of you're going to be my man. Well not until these past couple of years. Recently it dawned on me that my fear of being used kept me from allowing anybody in to be with me.... the real me. Men in the promotions/marketing game fail to realize that women have groupies too male & female groupies. Every event, concert, etc. I did was  on a low key tip, no one needed to know who I was or what I had to do with anything. Sitting in the background with my Blackberry, pointing my finger, and giving orders. All I did was work regular 9-5 in the day and nightlife 9-5. Running a nightclub, being a hospice nurse, a promoter, not to mention a mom, legal guardian, small socialite. I didn't have time nor the patience for sorting through whether or not a guy was genuinely into me.

Now I have changed my whole outlook on life. Maybe I'm getting older or just ready for a real mate. She told me that "the best advice that I can give is date outside of the industry". Hilarious thing, everyone that I meet has an connection to the industry. I look at my guy friend promoters/marketers, well those that are in a REAL relationships and they all have married or are dating outside professionals. They are very happy and the women that they are involved with understand the politics. Men on the other hand a whole other story. Case in point. My recent ex and I were out at a venue and I ran into a guy friend of mine who just happens to play pro football. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm a hugger, So I embraced him (not a full on embrace but a hug) and then turned to introduce my ex to him and who's face was twisted but he still spoke.  He seemed to be upset or jealous. As we were leaving the gentleman & I were saying our byes and followed up with "Shai you really need to come to one of my games" before I could say something my ex responded "We will"... Wow really are we jealous? Lets just say that ruined the rest of our night. Jealousy is something I don't do, especially not from a man.

Yeah I was all over the place mentally on Friday, I know one thing though in 2011 I hope that the LORD sends me an understanding man... My life and as you can see Friday Nights are just a wee bit complicated. lol

**Some photos were courtesy of bfreepaparazzi.com**

Too Comfortable

I read once that you shouldn't get too comfortable in anything especially relationships, "Someone is always waiting right there to take your place". Thats a very interesting statement. When I was younger I use to be the woman waiting to take someone's place. I had a mentality of "if he don't mind, then I don't care". I believe that is where a lot of my insecurities in relationships stem from. Why I can't trust a man because I've seen first hand what they are capable of. Having the girlfriend and the "boo" in the same room working his way back and forth because as long as everyone (myself & him) understands what is really going on then there shouldn't be any problems. Hell I use to get a rush out of being with the dude while his chick was there. Rubbing up on him and teasing him while she was across the room. Don't forget the "introduction" watching him squirm when she asks who I was. I played my role and my part. I was satisfied with everything that was going on between us. Sexing him and sending him home. Back then I didn't like sharing my bed when I was sleep. Every once in a while I'd slip up and wish he cold stay to keep me warm but ofcourse his cell would chime with her face or text and he'd have to leave. They say Karma is something else and I'm not sure what my payback would be. I never broke up a relationship or put it out there who I was dealing with and some of them are now married and yes THEY STILL CALL & TEXT ME...Telling me how much they miss me and wish I was still in their lives.

Now that I'm older and have been in my first "relationship". I sit back and watch others and how comfortable they are in them and laugh. I believe some women are content in be the "girlfriend/wifey" so regardless of what their guy is doing as long as they get what they wanted out of the relationship its all good. I can't be that type of woman, I can't be cool with that. Last year a guy I use to date texted me on Valentine's Day telling me how much he missed me and loved me so he wanted to make sure I knew it on the "day of love". That would of been nice if he wasn't in Chicago with his current girlfriend professing his love for her.

I guess the mentality of  you're single until you walk down the isle rings true to some. But not all... That's why so many men wind up on Cheaters and with busted windows, keyed cars, bleached clothes, & Snickers in their gas tanks. Because they love Raquel but sex Sheila. My latest relationship the knowledge that I have from being the other woman before stopped me from giving my all. I just gave him what he wanted versus what he needed. I never got comfortable much less too comfortable. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because of that I'm single now. I have asked for forgiveness for my past indiscretions and I shall proceed on working to be a better woman, lover, and friend. Especially now that I am praying for a successful relationship that I can be comfortable in... Just not too comfortable.