Its amazing... Life.
They say time heals all wounds and some love is everlasting. Really who comes up with this crap. My mother who fell madly in love for a man almost 20 years ago still holds a huge chunk of her heart. Yes she is happily married to someone else but even he knows the extent of the love they (my mom & 1st stepdad) share. Every time they are around each other everyone feels it. Its like a inside joke that only the 2 of them know. Now both are married to others that I believe they love but not whole heartedly. Why because this other person has a piece of their heart.
They say your suppose to evolve and grow from life's experiences. "Learn to move on" my dad (current, weird sounding I know) said, "best way to get over is to get under." Sorry, I'm knew to this love thing and maybe I'm wrong in thinking this but I swore when you love something you should never let it go. I mean especially if that love or the one you love isn't toxic. Like abusive or frigid. I was the queen of getting over by getting under but I have grown tired of that. Especially the "next" feeling. Most of the guys I have dealt with we are good friends now. Some have hurt me tremendously and the few that I know I had a bond with I couldn't be their friend because of the mild resentment I have for them, heck I wouldn't spit on them or they mama if they was on fire.
Have you ever thought to yourself that you just aren't the marrying type. Like you are here to learn a lesson but not have a mate. There are like 7 women for every man on the earth. So who is the lucky 1 that lands him and the other 6 wind up alone with an animal that you're allergic to.
I have some guy friends that I like to call serial boyfriends meaning they can't be without a girlfriend, eventhough they don't stay in these relationships long but they treat the girlfriend as if she is the future Mrs. Being a single mother in this world doesn't help. I work and huSTLe trying to provide for me and mine. I'm so ready for my husband and mate. I continue to pray but until then... I'm going to try to let time heal my wound and let go of the love I believed was everlasting.
Showing posts with label st. louis. Show all posts
Showing posts with label st. louis. Show all posts
Monday, May 2, 2011
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Precious Heartbreak, Heather's Story
1983
You, Heather Jelon Clark was born, my cousin, my best friend... Shortly to follow I came into this world. We grew up thick as thieves and because we were so close in age we bumped heads a lot. Its amazing what you remember when you lose someone you love. Someone that you made a promise to that no matter what happens we'll always be there for one another. Not sure what happened between us during our teenage years but we lost touch and became separated. You did your thing and I did mine. Even though you didn't live your life the best way, you did what you had to provide for your kids.
2006
You came to me needing a place to stay. Reminding me of the promise we made to each other so many years ago. Of course I am here for you and you're my family, I opened up my home. I remember a conversation we had one night and you said "I'm not going to be alone, I need someone in my life and I'm going to be without a man". Of course the logical person in me said that you need to focus on self and get yourself out of the rut that you're in and then think about a man. Not sure if you thought I was preaching but you got upset and moved out a week or so later.
2007
You became sick this year. This is the year the doctors called me, because I was your emergency contact and told me that you have leukemia & epilepsy. Your mom was by your side most of the year as was I. Doctor's visits and radiation treatments consumed us this year. Finally it became too much and you were checked into a care facility where you can receive 24 hour care. But you kept getting worse. I finally took you to a specialist and it was deemed you had HIV not leukemia or epilepsy and due to the radiation therapies you are in the acute stage of AIDS. You lost so much weight and got so many infections and was in so much pain. They couldn't do anything to save you or fix it. I began to believe that my being a hospice nurse was for you. To be there for you when they took you off of the medications and only gave you morphine for the pain. Everyday I sat by your side on the 13th floor in Barnes. Everyday I was there with you. Bringing our family and friends to visit. Until the day you said to me "I've made my peace and the Lord has forgiven me. I love you Shamelia". I knew I just knew it was your time to go and he was calling you home. We lost you that fall and I felt precious heartbreak.
2011
Every year I celebrate your birthday with your favorite meals whether its Red Lobster or my Fried Chicken, Southern Mac & Cheese, and Corn Bread. Happy 28th Birthday cousin I love you so much.
You never know when someone you love will lose their life. My cousin lost hers while in the search for love in all the wrong places... Chat lines and in the streets. She leaves behind a beautiful son & daughter that look just like her and has her personality. AIDS is real and is in our city. The person who gave it to her I'm sure has given it to someone else. Wrap it up and be safe because sometimes looking for something you feel you need can change your life forever.
You, Heather Jelon Clark was born, my cousin, my best friend... Shortly to follow I came into this world. We grew up thick as thieves and because we were so close in age we bumped heads a lot. Its amazing what you remember when you lose someone you love. Someone that you made a promise to that no matter what happens we'll always be there for one another. Not sure what happened between us during our teenage years but we lost touch and became separated. You did your thing and I did mine. Even though you didn't live your life the best way, you did what you had to provide for your kids.
2006
You came to me needing a place to stay. Reminding me of the promise we made to each other so many years ago. Of course I am here for you and you're my family, I opened up my home. I remember a conversation we had one night and you said "I'm not going to be alone, I need someone in my life and I'm going to be without a man". Of course the logical person in me said that you need to focus on self and get yourself out of the rut that you're in and then think about a man. Not sure if you thought I was preaching but you got upset and moved out a week or so later.
2007
You became sick this year. This is the year the doctors called me, because I was your emergency contact and told me that you have leukemia & epilepsy. Your mom was by your side most of the year as was I. Doctor's visits and radiation treatments consumed us this year. Finally it became too much and you were checked into a care facility where you can receive 24 hour care. But you kept getting worse. I finally took you to a specialist and it was deemed you had HIV not leukemia or epilepsy and due to the radiation therapies you are in the acute stage of AIDS. You lost so much weight and got so many infections and was in so much pain. They couldn't do anything to save you or fix it. I began to believe that my being a hospice nurse was for you. To be there for you when they took you off of the medications and only gave you morphine for the pain. Everyday I sat by your side on the 13th floor in Barnes. Everyday I was there with you. Bringing our family and friends to visit. Until the day you said to me "I've made my peace and the Lord has forgiven me. I love you Shamelia". I knew I just knew it was your time to go and he was calling you home. We lost you that fall and I felt precious heartbreak.
2011
Every year I celebrate your birthday with your favorite meals whether its Red Lobster or my Fried Chicken, Southern Mac & Cheese, and Corn Bread. Happy 28th Birthday cousin I love you so much.You never know when someone you love will lose their life. My cousin lost hers while in the search for love in all the wrong places... Chat lines and in the streets. She leaves behind a beautiful son & daughter that look just like her and has her personality. AIDS is real and is in our city. The person who gave it to her I'm sure has given it to someone else. Wrap it up and be safe because sometimes looking for something you feel you need can change your life forever.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Bring Me The Sexy...
This is for everyone...
Specifically for the fellas...
Guys I really need you to read this and possibly take notes. SERIOUSLY!!!
So its a Friday or Saturday night. You decide to hit either your favorite nightlife venue or try something new. While there you see an extremely (well you find her) attractive woman either sitting with her girls or standing and chit chatting (yeah I said chit chatting) with some people she knows. This is where it may get a little bit tricky. By now you've probably had 1 or 2 drinks and are feeling yourself. DO NOT stare this woman down. Why? It freaks us the heck out when you're staring at us like were a 2 piece from Popeye's and you haven't eaten in 12 hours. DO NOT give us the wink. Why? That ish went out in the 80's and you look so lame when doing it. DO NOT stare at her ass as she walks past. Why? It's degrading and makes us feel cheap and we really won't give you the time of day the chick is not a hoe and if that is what you want than stop reading NOW!
If the beautiful image (yes I can get metaphorical) is across the room approach her and gently tap her. Don't grab her waist, touch her ass... yes some Negro's are bold to do that ish. Pay her a small compliment don't go way deep into "Yeah baby I saw you from across the room and you took my breath away I had to come and know your name"... Its 2011 and we will laugh at you. Tell her she caught your eye or you thought she was attractive. Ask to pull her aside and speak with her. If she finds you attractive or is intrigued in you she will step aside with you. If not then your work is done. Dust yourself off and move on to the next. But chances are she'll step aside just to see what you have to say.
Getting her away from her girls is key for more than one reason:
1) You won't have them staring you down with an attitude because they're not not getting any "play".
2) She won't have any distractions and can fully listen to what you have to say and you're able to start up the general What's your name, what's your Alma mater, or whatever type of convo you're looking to have outside of SEX.
Once the convo has begun then you should offer her a drink. This drink is not to get her drunk so you can take her home or have your way with her. Oh and for those lames that believe that I bought you a drink you owe me your time and the rest of your night really need to let it go. A $7.00 drink isn't hurting your pockets.Yes we're in a recession but if you're that broke you shouldn't be out at all! Some women will except but those that aren't drinking or choose not to accept a drink from a man (due to past terrifying experiences) will reject it. You should not take more than 15 mins of this woman's time, UNLESS she decides to stay. But if she is out with just 1 of her girls chances are she will say she has to get back to her friend & you should let her go. If the brief conversation is going well you then exchange numbers.... Its a myth that a man must take a woman's number and call her first. Yes its the thrill of the chase but I have been told by several men that men like some contact to be initiated as well just to eleviate some of the stress that comes along with a new connection or friend. Plus a lot of people don't answer unknown numbers anyway & her having yours guarantees she will answer your call.
Bam you're done!! Nothing else is needed. Don't follow her throughout the club. Don't continue to stare at her for the rest of the night. Don't turn into a Casanova in the club either and try to hit on 50 other women that are there that night. You look bad and chances are she won't answer you when you call.
Women like to feel the sexy and we need a confident man. We don't want someone to come at us like they have a rehearsed line because every situation is completely different and what worked on Elise won't work on Sharon. If you be yourself and approach a woman with the respect she deserves (despite what she is wearing) you may get some interesting results.... I hope this helps those lacking game or are trying to figure out why they always get laughed at or ignored at the club or any public space.
***borrowed photos from stlonfire.com***
Monday, January 10, 2011
Day 1- Higher Heights
I didn't know what I wanted in 2011. Whether or not I wanted to be in a relationship or what. One thing I did know was that I didn't want to make the same resolutions that are standard every year that are never successful. You know the I wanna lose weight, or get a new and better job, or be in an relationship. Don't get me wrong I want all of those things but right now I just am not sure. So today 1.10.2011 is Day1 for me. What happens next is up to me. I pray that the Lord takes me to higher heights. I started this blog to document my day to day achievements and goals with being a single mother, future lover, business woman, employee, daughter, sister, and friend. You can call this my e-journal as you will. Video posts, written posts, articles, and topics that matter to me. Why? Because at the end of the Day... I'm all that matters.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)