Everlasting Time

Its amazing... Life.

They say time heals all wounds and some love is everlasting. Really who comes up with this crap. My mother who fell madly in love for a man almost 20 years ago still holds a huge chunk of her heart. Yes she is happily married to someone else but even he knows the extent of the love they (my mom & 1st stepdad) share. Every time they are around each other everyone feels it. Its like a inside joke that only the 2 of them know. Now both are married to others that I believe they love but not whole heartedly. Why because this other person has a piece of their heart.
They say your suppose to evolve and grow from life's experiences. "Learn to move on" my dad (current, weird sounding I know) said, "best way to get over is to get under." Sorry, I'm knew to this love thing and maybe I'm wrong in thinking this but I swore when you love something you should never let it go. I mean especially if that love or the one you love isn't toxic. Like abusive or frigid. I was the queen of getting over by getting under but I have grown tired of that. Especially the "next" feeling. Most of the guys I have dealt with we are good friends now. Some have hurt me tremendously and the few that I know I had a bond with I couldn't be their friend because of the mild resentment I have for them, heck I wouldn't spit on them or they mama if they was on fire.
Have you ever thought to yourself that you just aren't the marrying type. Like you are here to learn a lesson but not have a mate. There are like 7 women for every man on the earth. So who is the lucky 1 that lands him and the other 6 wind up alone with an animal that you're allergic to.
I have some guy friends that I like to call serial boyfriends meaning they can't be without a girlfriend, eventhough they don't stay in these relationships long but they treat the girlfriend as if she is the future Mrs. Being a single mother in this world doesn't help. I work and huSTLe trying to provide for me and mine. I'm so ready for my husband and mate. I continue to pray but until then... I'm going to try to let time heal my wound and let go of the love I believed was everlasting.

Ex Factor?

After my last 2 postings "Struggle" & "Struggle Part Duex" I had to take some time to gather my thoughts especially with being single on Valentine's Day yet again. I had a nice V-Day though with my bestie and mini. Lately an ex from way back, I mean waaaaaay back in the day has popped up. One thing about coming across someone who you haven't seen in so many years is that you know how much you have grown since being with them. How different you are now than when you to were together. When we met I was a youngin' like 19 and he was of course older. Back then I was on a have fun basis. Like any and every relationships we had our ups and downs. But  I was about fun and excitement back then. I also was about business and a relationship didn't fit into the picture. I also have had contact with another ex that knew me back then as well.

Oh have I grown, lol. Now I can't wake up without thinking about a relationship and how I am ready to be in a relationship, settle down, and be a caker. One thing they have showed me is how I have grown as a person. Turned into the woman that I am now, its amazing. I had a thrill for motorcycles and late nights. Now my life consists of the highlight of my week is the latest reality show and Grey's Anatomy. Going out and getting out of the house is like a vacation. My days are full of spills, Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, and sing-a-longs. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade it for the world. Is it the age and getting older?

I talk to my friends and more than half of them are in relationships or married or getting ready to be married. Some are calling me for mommy advice because either have just had a baby or are about to. If I go out it has to be worth it or I feel like its not worth my time. Before I worked and have fun. now I work and work. Fun is next to nill right now. I need to get that back. Its amazing it takes talking to exes to remind me of that. I'm single and need to get out and meet other singles. That don't have an issue with kids (because I have 2), staying at home on a Saturday night and watch a good movie, ocassionally go out and have a good time at a local lounge. Don't get me wrong I still go out (sometimes), just not all of the time.

Hmm... Bad Girls 6

So tonight was the season premiere of Oygen's Bad Girl's Club... They took it back to LA. I'm glad that they came back so quick for the newest season I promise I was going through withdraws. This is my thing... I loved Brandi on Season 5. I hated Lea I swear I wish she would come back to St. Louis. I hate over the top "I wanna be hard" chicks. She talks way too much shit. Christina I believe was the baddest "bitch" in the house because she took all of the mess and still fought back & stayed in the house. Cat I respected her and my ex watched the show just because of her. Why? Her body is banging. Erica was too standoffish and everybody else I could of cared less for.

Now its Season 6 they're back in LA and I'm sure the Bad Girl hog Natalie Nunn will make an appearance because as she has tried to say "she runs LA". The new season started tonight... YAY!!!!!!! I believe my fav will be Char... We'll see though. I see me in her and am glad I'm getting older because there is a cut off age for "Bad Girls" I believe 28 is the cut off (and yes I'm cheating because I'm 27, lol). Let me state this the chat feature that Oxygen set up for the show sucks and they need to get that ish together ASAP.

 Jade is a lush a and on the first episode she shows that she can't hold her liquor. Nikki & Jessica irritated me within the first 20 mins. I love Sydney so far but I think eventually she will irritate me too. Kori and Lauren haven't done anything to stand out to me but I think they will eventually rub me the wrong way. So the first night all hell broke lose, everyone is already againt Jade. Why is it that women always believe when someone doesn't like them its jealousy. There isn't that much jealousy in the world for some one not to like you. Nikki isn't anything but a bully. I believe her parents wanted a boy and got her so she is doing everything she can to be a "boy" BITCH climb the hell out of the jock strap. This isn't a football game and roughing up the youngest and smallest girl in the house isn't showing or proving anything. First episode and Jade went home. 1 down lets see how many come and go this season.

All in all this season is going to be off the chain and I'll be strapped to my couch, bed, or chair for every episode. Whether its recorded on my DVR or its show time Shai will be sitting there

Day 1- Higher Heights

I didn't know what I wanted in 2011. Whether or not I wanted to be in a relationship or what. One thing I did know was that I didn't want to make the same resolutions that are standard every year that are never successful. You know the I wanna lose weight, or get a new and better job, or be in an relationship. Don't get me wrong I want all of those things but right now I just am not sure. So today 1.10.2011 is Day1 for me. What happens next is up to me. I pray that the Lord takes me to higher heights. I started this blog to document my day to day achievements and goals with being a single mother, future lover, business woman, employee, daughter, sister, and friend. You can call this my e-journal as you will. Video posts, written posts, articles, and topics that matter to me. Why? Because at the end of the Day... I'm all that matters.