Too Comfortable

I read once that you shouldn't get too comfortable in anything especially relationships, "Someone is always waiting right there to take your place". Thats a very interesting statement. When I was younger I use to be the woman waiting to take someone's place. I had a mentality of "if he don't mind, then I don't care". I believe that is where a lot of my insecurities in relationships stem from. Why I can't trust a man because I've seen first hand what they are capable of. Having the girlfriend and the "boo" in the same room working his way back and forth because as long as everyone (myself & him) understands what is really going on then there shouldn't be any problems. Hell I use to get a rush out of being with the dude while his chick was there. Rubbing up on him and teasing him while she was across the room. Don't forget the "introduction" watching him squirm when she asks who I was. I played my role and my part. I was satisfied with everything that was going on between us. Sexing him and sending him home. Back then I didn't like sharing my bed when I was sleep. Every once in a while I'd slip up and wish he cold stay to keep me warm but ofcourse his cell would chime with her face or text and he'd have to leave. They say Karma is something else and I'm not sure what my payback would be. I never broke up a relationship or put it out there who I was dealing with and some of them are now married and yes THEY STILL CALL & TEXT ME...Telling me how much they miss me and wish I was still in their lives.

Now that I'm older and have been in my first "relationship". I sit back and watch others and how comfortable they are in them and laugh. I believe some women are content in be the "girlfriend/wifey" so regardless of what their guy is doing as long as they get what they wanted out of the relationship its all good. I can't be that type of woman, I can't be cool with that. Last year a guy I use to date texted me on Valentine's Day telling me how much he missed me and loved me so he wanted to make sure I knew it on the "day of love". That would of been nice if he wasn't in Chicago with his current girlfriend professing his love for her.

I guess the mentality of  you're single until you walk down the isle rings true to some. But not all... That's why so many men wind up on Cheaters and with busted windows, keyed cars, bleached clothes, & Snickers in their gas tanks. Because they love Raquel but sex Sheila. My latest relationship the knowledge that I have from being the other woman before stopped me from giving my all. I just gave him what he wanted versus what he needed. I never got comfortable much less too comfortable. I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Because of that I'm single now. I have asked for forgiveness for my past indiscretions and I shall proceed on working to be a better woman, lover, and friend. Especially now that I am praying for a successful relationship that I can be comfortable in... Just not too comfortable.